“I want to break up with my boyfriend but the last time we broke up, we got back together because he was scaring me. He would punch the walls and hurt himself. That includes cutting himself. I feel trapped being with him but I don’t love him like that any more. Help!” ~ Abby

Hey Abby,

Feeling trapped is not a good thing in a relationship. It sounds like you want to get away from your boyfriend but you’re afraid of what might happen.

He’s using that fear to control you and it’s really not good. You need to tell someone about what he does, how he hurts himself- his parents, your parents, a teacher, a guidance counselor, a pastor. He needs some help, but not from you. (more…)

 

“I really like this girl, but I don’t know how to tell her or if she even likes me. Help!” – Kurt

***

hey Kurt,

You are not alone! We’ve all had trouble interpreting the actions of our crushes. Sometimes it’s like trying to read another language. But here are a couple things to consider:

How does she act around you? A girl will act differently around her crush than her friends. She may get really quiet or she may talk a lot more. Either way, it will be different. She will also find excuses to hang around the guy she likes. And she’ll watch him, though she may pretend not to or blush if he catches her watching. (more…)

Hey everybody!

Over the past couple of years we’ve gotten a lot of questions from you guys. Questions about relationships, self-injury, sex, suicide — you name it. Each time we hear from you, we remember why this site is here — because of awesome people like you.

So we just want to remind you that if you have a question, we’d love to hear from you. No topic is off-limits. We would also love to share your question on the site, but you can tell us if you’d rather that we didn’t (we will never share your real name).

So go ahead and unload your problems in the contact box or email us at realteenfaith at gmail.com. Just put “advice” in the subject line.

Drop by every Friday to check out this new feature! Until then, we’re looking forward to your questions!

Halee, BJ, and E.

PS – We’re especially looking for your relationship questions for February!

By RTF Staff Writer Jamin Goeker

Is it possible for a girl to be “just friends” with a guy, or will he read into it too much and think she likes him? It depends on a lot of things, but generally we guys read into things too much and see a green light where none exists.

It’s a sad fact, but guys have a hard time keeping their relationships from shifting to the romantic side and eventually he might talk to you about it. If you’re not interested in him, be 100% honest. (more…)

By RTF Staff Writer Sarah Rupp

Could the way society presents dating be messing with God’s ultimate plan for relationships? Is the media so in love with the idea of dating that we forget it’s supposed to be a special experience?

Since eighth grade, I’ve prayed God will help keep me pure and wait for the right guy to come along whom I would eventually marry. I even made up a list of characteristics this special man of my future would have.

Making a list is a great thing to do while you’re still single. We all think we know what we want in a dating relationship, but very few of us write it down and really think about it. I talk with many girls in the middle of “boy drama” who wish they’d made a list.

Guys, this isn’t just for girls. Let’s give it a try!

1. Pray. This is the most important step to creating the list. God knows exactly what this person is like and would love to assist you in your list-making.

1. Dream. I imagine you already have an idea of what you want in a relationship. Looking at my list, I worry I’ll never find him. At those times, God gently whispers, “Wait for him. I’ll bring him to you when you’re ready. Don’t settle for anything less.”

1. Raise the standard. Chat with couples who have remained abstinent until marriage. What did they do to keep their purity? Raise the bar higher than you think. Temptation likes to sneak in and grab you. Talk with God about it. Ask Him how he wants you to protect your body and heart.

1. Take a look at your closest friends. What is it you like most about them? Add those personality traits to your list. I noticed my closest friends are outgoing, which offsets my introverted personality. They’re talkers, and I’m a listener. Imagine what it would be like if we were both listeners or both talkers!

1. Don’t be afraid to change your list. As you mature, you’ll gain a better idea of what your future spouse may be like. You’ll change it and add to it numerous times. Be flexible. It’s not written in stone. It’s in pencil on paper. There are these awesome little things called erasers…

1. Remember humans aren’t perfect. Finding the perfect person doesn’t mean he or she is without mistakes. Look through the characteristics on your list, and find places that may be his or her weaknesses. For example, since my man is an outgoing talker, I imagine his big mouth would often get him in trouble.

So go ahead…start writing! Have fun with it. Isn’t it awesome to think of your future spouse?

****

Sarah Rupp is a freelance writer who loves God, reading, and music, as well as writing of course! You can find her over at her blog: http://sarahswordsofwitsdom.blogspot.com. She enjoys connecting with readers and other writers though comments.

Last spring I became very good friends with this girl.  We found out that we had the same taste in movies – dorky superhero movies all the way!  Superhero cartoons were also pretty great.  We would hang out and watch a movie, then talk.  Slowly we started doing other stuff together, like meeting to go on walks and just talk.  It was a really nice, really close friendship.  Of course, there are these things called “feelings” that tend to creep in and make a mess out of things.  Through all of our time together I began to have these feelings.  She, on the other hand, did not.

Relationships between guys and girls can be very frustrating at time.  If there’s one thing I’ve learned about relationships it’s that guys have this habit (in general) of falling for our good female friends.  If we spend a lot of time with you girls, hang out with you a lot, there is this good chance that feelings are going to blossom in our hearts.

This girl and I had a lot of talks about where we stood, and what was going on between us.  As we got to talking we learned that there was a lot of miscommunication going on between the two of us.  When we had started hanging out we had a brief convo where we said it was just as friends, and that’s how it had truly started.  That’s not where it had stayed for me, though.  For her, thinking it was only as friends we began to act almost as if we were dating.  After the fact we even both admitted that it felt like we had been dating for a couple weeks.

There’s one thing that we discussed, and would have helped us a lot if we had implemented it earlier.  It’s something I really want to encourage opposite gender friends to do: Limit one on one alone time with friends of the opposite gender!  Girls: spending alone time with guys tends to send them this signal that you’re interested in them, whether intentional or not.  This doesn’t mean that you can’t hang out with them alone on occasion, but I would stress that you’re never alone alone.  If you have a great friend of the opposite gender catch up with them over coffee or something.  Sitting alone in the dark basement with the fireplace burning and talking is not the best idea – it can easily lead to miscommunication – trust me on this one!

I really want to stress that communication is key to any relationship, friendship or otherwise.  Talking about where you stand with someone of the other gender might seem a little awkward at times, but if you don’t feel comfortable sharing your feelings with the person you want to date then perhaps they’re not the person that you should be dating.

Red Lights of an Unhealthy Relationship

Does someone you care about?

• Put you down? Criticize you?
• Get extremely jealous or possessive?
• Constantly check up on you?
• Tell you how to dress? What to think? What to say?
• Try to control what you do and who you see?
• Make you feel nervous (like you are walking on eggshells)?
• Threaten to hurt you physically (push, slap, pinch, shove)?
• Threaten to hurt you emotionally (manipulation, threaten, embarrass you, tell secrets, withdraw affection)?
• Ask you to do things that you normally wouldn’t do?
• Ask you to do things that are not in your best interest?

If one or more of these warning signs exist in your relationship, your relationship is not as healthy as you deserve.

Real Advice: My boyfriend hits me

by Lydia Rule, RTF Staff Writer

(Proverbs 1:20-33)

Waiting in the streets

To rescue from night

Wisdom cries, for people

To follow The Light

Wisdom shoved aside;

People running past

“Listen to my fated plea!

Listen to truth at last!”

Wisdom speaks loudly

Through many voices

Of those around you

Forewarning choices (more…)