By Guest Writer LuraKate Pijanowski

I have a self-esteem issue. It’s not just an issue, though — it’s actually a huge problem in my life.

Recently I signed up to go on a mission trip to New York City, and I was worried about what others thought of me, and how I was going to get along with everyone on the trip. The first day of the trip I was so nervous about whether or not people liked me, that I had a panic attack while serving in a soup kitchen.

It was insane how nervous I was, and how I was scared no one cared about me. All I remember thinking was, “This is a mission trip — it isn’t supposed to be like this.” My idea of a mission trip was serving people and being all happy and joyful because I was doing God’s work. And I was there doing God’s work… only my heart wasn’t.

My heart was very focused on me, not on what I was suppose to be doing.

One day while walking to our next service project a woman raising money shared her life story with us. Rape, abuse, alcohol, drugs, self-harm; this woman had gone through it all. But what saved her life was having someone introduce her to Christ.

Her story really made me realize what a great life I had, and I already had Christ. Then that lead to thinking about what Christ did for me, and how maybe I could show the love I know by helping others. After that, my heart started to get in the right place. And to be honest, I didn’t make a whole lot of progress… it’s something I’m still working on.

I still struggle with having a heart just focused on God, because all I want to think about is me and what others think of me. But what happened on that trip was a step towards living a different way. Living in a way where I just live, love, worship, and serve Him.

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Lura-Kate Pijanowski is a high school junior who dreams of being a speaker, writer, and pastor. She also likes sewing, reading, kniting, and being with people.