Happy Retro Day! This is for all of you who have or had braces. (I’m a post-braces kid too. Never been so happy to get rid of something- 2 years without popcorn is an eternity!) I love the way Catey turned her not-so-great orthodontist appointment into a hilarious story. Enjoy! ~ Halee

by RTF Staff Writer Catey Yuen

So, I’ve had braces for almost the 18-month slot they allotted me (and if I have to go a day over, I think I will go mad).

Let me tell you a little bit about my braces experience. I HATE THEM.

I am a rule keeper as it comes to a lot of things. I got this nine-page long braces care sheet when I first got braces and on that nine-page long list sheet was this million-item list titled: THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT EAT WITH BRACES.

So I didn’t eat the stuff on there.

My friends aren’t really rule keepers. They saw THINGS YOU SHOULD NOT EAT WITH BRACES and read it as THINGS THAT YOUR ORTHODONTIST WOULDN’T LIKE YOU TO EAT WITH BRACES BUT YOU CAN STILL EAT ANYWAY.

Let’s take an inventory of broken brackets my friends have had: 0

How about me? A grand total of four wires broken, three slid and three brackets broken.

My orthodontist’s reaction? Picture the Incredible Hulk.

So, despite the broken wires, brackets, and other crazy stuff, I am really really really hoping to get my braces off in September like we originally thought. I was going to ask, but then I got the grumpy lady.

Grumpy Lady took out my wires and ties, and checked my brackets. She was scraping one tooth when her hand “slipped” (though I have my suspicions that she was really some assassin lady who was trying to take me out then and there) and poked my gum hard enough that I bled. Not a great way to start out an appointment.

I was supposed to have a bracket replaced, but they had run out of that kind. However, apparently my orthodontist (who is really the devil in disguise) has a thing for broken brackets.

Instead of letting me off the hook and going home after my thirty-minute appointment, he gives an evil chuckle to the Grumpy Lady (who was really an assassin) and said, “Let’s give her some new brackets.” So, they put brackets on those teeth in the WAY back of your mouth (the ones you can’t even see… let alone try to put brackets on).

And I’m going to end that story there. I wouldn’t want to make your mouths ache out of sympathetic agony.

But my dentist experience made me think. As the dentist was taking my mouth apart with a screwdriver, I was left thinking about James: “Consider it pure joy, brethren, when you face trials of various kinds….” I ended up having a nice time with God there, praying (though I will confess the first part of the prayer was, “MAKE IT STOP!”).

The other thing was, “Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” Maybe I’ll try that next time I go to see my orthodontist. Shut my mouth at all costs and see if he runs.