“I want to break up with my boyfriend but the last time we broke up, we got back together because he was scaring me. He would punch the walls and hurt himself. That includes cutting himself. I feel trapped being with him but I don’t love him like that any more. Help!” ~ Abby

Hey Abby,

Feeling trapped is not a good thing in a relationship. It sounds like you want to get away from your boyfriend but you’re afraid of what might happen.

He’s using that fear to control you and it’s really not good. You need to tell someone about what he does, how he hurts himself- his parents, your parents, a teacher, a guidance counselor, a pastor. He needs some help, but not from you.

So once you’ve told an adult, break up with him. Otherwise, it’s just going to get worse and you’ll be stuck with someone you don’t love.

Be clear that you care about him. But make it equally clear that you can’t be together– it wouldn’t be fair to either of you– and that hurting himself isn’t going to change how you feel.

Be honest, but kind, and make sure someone (that adult) is available to help him so you don’t have to worry about him hurting himself.

Depending on how he handles the news, it might be a messy break-up. But letting someone else help him with his problems is the only way for you to make a clean break. So be brave, Abby! In the long run, it will be better for both of you.

~ Halee

Got a question? Need some help? Let’s talk.