After surfing some blogs recently, one comment stood out amongst hundreds. I don’t remember what Alexis Sommer said but I was intrigued so I visited her website. What I found there was a Christian girl with a passion for helping women and girls find freedom from eating disorders. So I asked Alexis to hang out at Real Teen Faith to talk about eating disorders, lies and finding freedom.

Debra Weiss: Thanks for coming, Alexis. It’s great to have you here today! When did your eating disorder begin? What were some of the lies you believed at that time?

Alexis Sommer: Thanks for having me! My eating disorder started around the time I was in seventh grade, or at least that was when the “disordered eating” started. I began my year and a half struggle with anorexia the summer before I started high school and struggled with bulimia for the remaining three years.

The thoughts, however, began way before my eating disorder ever started. For as long as I can remember, I believed the lie that I had to be perfect in order to have value. Part of that came from the way I coped with my parents’ divorce and other events, and part of it was just my personality. Early on, I believed the lie that my life was worthless. I thought that I was a mistake, and I would constantly pray that God would just let me die.

I believed the lie that I was “in the way”, and that no one would ever care about me. Then there were, of course, the eating disorder lies. The lies that said I was fat, ugly, and never good enough. Those lies were some of the hardest to live with because no matter what I did, I couldn’t “fix” it. No matter how much weight I lost, I was never “good enough” or “pretty enough” to be loved.

DW: On your blog, you write “There comes a day when balancing two identities takes its toll and destroys you. There comes a day when you look in the mirror and can no longer see your reflection. That’s the day the glass breaks. It’s a day of wonder and terror. Of beauty and beast. Of sin and redemption. It’s the day you come to grips with the fact that you will never measure up, but that despite that fact- you are Loved.” When was the day ‘your mirror broke’? How did you find hope and healing after that?

AS: My mirror broke the day my world literally fell apart. I was so overwhelmed with my depression and eating disorder that I continually tried to take my own life. After the last attempt, I ended up in another psych ward. I lost everything that day- my family, my “life”, my freedom. My perfect life fell apart, and only shattered pieces remained. I wish I could say everything was fine after that, but it wasn’t. It took a long time for me to finally face what my life had become and decide to change it. It wasn’t easy giving up my eating disorder; it was a part of me. The day did come though.

I had applied to Mercy Ministries and, after being on the waiting list for months, I finally got a call. Only it wasn’t what the call I was expecting. I was told that they did not think I really wanted help (they were right- I didn’t), and that I needed to get in touch with them when I was finally ready to change. Things fell apart even more after that call, and that night God showed up. I had never before been much of a Bible reader, but I opened up my Bible and read the words of Deuteronomy chapter 30. God was telling me it was time to make a choice, and that was the moment I decided to change.

It wasn’t easy. Not at all. I went to Mercy a month later, and while I was there, I was introduced to the real Christ, not the Jesus I had developed in my mind. I realized that my life had never been a mistake and that God LOVED me, imperfections and all. The concept of being wholly and completely loved floored me; I had never before believed that anyone could love me. When His love and sacrifice for me became real, it was easier to give up my eating disorder. I didn’t need to gain the attention of every person that passed by because the one who created everything always had His eye on me!

DW: I love the concept behind the 1-80 Challenge! Can you tell readers what this is and why you started it?

AS: The purpose of the 1-80 Challenge is to change the way we see beauty, live beauty, and define beauty. After I worked through all the underlying issues of my eating disorder, I still struggled for the sole reason that I wanted to be seen as “beautiful”. I could not give up the image of beauty in my mind, and I found that wanting to be “beautiful” is one of the main reasons girls and women never recover from their eating disorders, even after working on the issues.

After walking in freedom for some time, I decided that something needed to change in regards to beauty. Even though I was not struggling with the behavior of my eating disorder, the thoughts were still there. I planned on developing a website to change the definition of beauty, but God showed me that I still needed some changing myself. So I started the challenge on my blog to make one change for 80 days in an attempt to change the way not only I see beauty, but how every other girl sees beauty.

DW: I understand you’re launching Change Beauty (www.changebeauty.org) in October. What is that website about?

AS: Change Beauty is about changing the definition of beauty so women and men can live lives of freedom. It’s a common misconception that men aren’t affected by beauty, but the fact is- they are. The magazine images become the expectation and when that definition of beauty is the expectation, nobody wins. Men strive after those “perfect” images, and women strive to be “perfect” to gain the attention of everyone around them. Everyone is running around in circles, and nobody will stop until that definition is changed.

Change Beauty will not only challenge women to change their personal definitions of beauty, but it will also provide girls with hope that freedom from the lies is possible. There will be video testimonies, documentaries eventually, bible study tools, advice for the everyday challenges…really anything women need to live lives of freedom. The website launches on October 19, but starting September 1st I am posting a survey called “Project Change Beauty” in order to hear from the girls and women who will make this happen. More information will be on the website then, but the purpose of the project is to find out what women think is beautiful.

DW: What are your plans for the future?

AS: Well, I’m currently working on a book about overcoming eating disorders, and I plan on dedicating my life to this cause. Eventually, I see Change Beauty becoming a non-profit organization that focuses on challenging the lies of society and revealing the truth about beauty and eating disorders. I hope to develop commercials to spread awareness about these issues, and I plan to organize future conferences that address eating disorders and finding beauty and truth in Christ.

Locally, I dream of establishing a Change Beauty “office” that is available for girls and women to come and find truth. There are not a lot of resources for eating disorders where I live, and I hope to change that. I can see the “office” one day having a few counselors available for girls who are struggling, but most importantly, I see it as being a place that helps girls live life. I can see it being used to hold weekly bible studies, nutrition classes, and support groups. I think it could be a safe place for girls to come and “escape” to, especially when they are having struggles and temptations. I have no idea how any of this is going to play out, but I do know this: only He can make it happen, so I am going to sit back and watch it unfold. He’s the God of miracles; my life is a living testimony to that.

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Short Bio: Alexis Sommer, 19, is a writer living in Corpus Christi, Texas. She struggled with an eating disorder for six years and found herself in and out of treatment centers, counselors’ offices, and psych wards.

She thought she would never be free from her eating disorder, and-on her own- she never would have been. It wasn’t until she came face to face with the truth of her actions and the truth of Christ that she found freedom.

Today her life is all about sharing that freedom and hope. You can find her daily on her blog (http://tobebeautiful.wordpress.com) or you can visit her website come October (www.changebeauty.org).