I am 15 years old. My dad is strange, to say the least. He’s sexually hurt others. He has had a ankle bracelet on for a while and just recently had it removed. My mother divorced him and we live with her.

The problem is that my mom works really long hours. I babysit my siblings and mow lawns to make extra money. Everyday, she comes home yelling and screaming. She will tell my siblings to clean house and me to do dishes and other chores. I will usually do my chores, but if the siblings don’t pick up their toys, we ALL get yelled at.

If I make a mistake, she says I’m like my dad.

I’ve attempted to cut myself, but haven’t had the nerve. I backtalked and got grounded for almost a month. My siblings do much worse and get away with it.

I have a boyfriend who is 16. We have been going out for over 7 months and my mother hates him.

I do admit I have an attitude, but I’m 15 for God’s sake! Almost all teen rebel and act like that around this time!

I was told by my friends that if I record her saying “If you don’t like it here, then you can leave” on tape, then I can actually leave and it would be ok because she TOLD me to leave. Is that true?

Is there any way that I can get away from her without going to live with my dad or changing schools?

N, age 15

Dear N.,

Where would you go? Is there a safer or more stable place you would want to be? That’s an important consideration.

It sounds like your mom is exhausted. I know it’s hard to put yourself in her shoes, but she’s a mom and working and the sole parent. That doesn’t excuse the anger or words, but it might explain the cause behind them.

You mentioned that you had an attitude (you are honest!) and that is something you can work on. We can’t make other people change, but we can change ourselves. Is there a better way to respond to your mom? Are there words that are better unspoken?

But also, is there someone you can talk to (a school counselor, a youth pastor, a trusted adult that is wise and calm)?

Do you journal? Sometimes we need a place to write down our thoughts. I know it helps me.

I also grew up in a tough atmosphere and it was hard, especially when others seemed to have it better. It wasn’t fair. It’s not fair for you, but every choice I made was a critical choice. It was important that I made choices that would help me one day have a stable, fun, loving home for my own children. Even though I was a teen, my choices were deciding my future. Like your boyfriend. Do you turn to him because you need someone? Is he asking anything of you that may harm your future? And cutting just puts you in a vicious cycle. It’s temporary relief with lasting scars and effects, but no longterm help.

Are there activities in school or church you can get involved in — to have a break from taking care of kids, etc.?

I’m not a counselor, N., but I care and I will pray for you today. Let’s keep talking, okay? But I also want you to find someone like a school counselor or youth pastor or caring adult who will listen and be there for you in person. Can you do that today?

Suzie
Real Teen Faith