by BJ Hamrick, RTF Staff Writer

To be honest, I’m probably the last person who should write an article about self-respect. After all, I’m the girl who permed her hair, dyed her skin, and over-waxed her eyebrows… all in hopes she’d like herself when she was done. (Unfortunately, it’s hard to like yourself when your skin turns orange and your hair grows the consistency of cotton candy.)

It’s not just a girl-thing. Guys work hard to like themselves too. Whether it’s lifting weights, running, or choosing that one shirt that looks like you’re not trying at all (you wouldn’t want the girls to know!) – it’s important how you look.

But what about how you look on the inside? Experts say there’s more to liking yourself than having the perfect body. Knowing yourself – inside and out – is important too.
The Heart of the Matter
We’ll call him Michael. We met several years ago at a youth retreat. On the outside, he had it all together. Built muscles, hot girlfriends, a great sense of humor. But on the inside, Michael told me, he was crying.

“This is my secret,” he said as he bared his wrist. “This is my scar.”

The line was long and faded. But for Michael, the pain had not faded. The pain of the day he tried to kill himself. The pain of the day he finally realized – he’d lost his self-respect.

Losing It
People in our lives contribute to our self-respect. Every little girl needs to hear she’s beautiful. Every little guy needs to hear he’s special. No one had the perfect childhood. (If they did, we’d put them behind glass in a museum.)

Some of us were abused. Some were unwanted. Some were told – with words or actions – that they weren’t worth much.

If you’ve read this article this far, chances are something resonated with you. Is there a little guy – or a little girl – who knows what it’s like to feel unwanted? Is there a little guy – or a little girl – who’s crying inside? Is there a little guy – or a little girl – who needs to feel treasured?

A few years ago, I might have thrown some Bible verses at that you. I might have tried to convince you that God VALUES you. I might have told you about all the characters throughout history who learned about God’s unconditional love. I might have told you to cheer up – things would get better. After all, I told myself that for ten years. (Guess what? I cheered up. Things didn’t get better.)

In Our Brokenness
You may have guessed by now that this article isn’t a 3-step plan to healing. I don’t believe our God is a 3-step God. I do believe that He cares intensely about our pain. And I do believe He’s in the process of healing it. Here are some things I’ve learned in my own journey:

• We can be in pain and healing at the same time. Just because it hurts doesn’t mean it’s not healing. In fact, pain in our physical bodies often indicates the healing process.
• Healing is a process, not an event. If I was in a car accident, I wouldn’t expect my broken arm to heal as quickly as my bruised forehead. Some emotional wounds take longer to heal than others.
• Healing sometimes requires outside help. Back to the car accident analogy – I wouldn’t try to cast my arm by myself. When we’re emotionally wounded – when we’ve lost our self-respect – we need God’s doctors and nurses to help us find healing.

If I could emphasize one thing to you today, it would be that last paragraph. We need each other. Unfortunately, God’s people aren’t always the best doctors and nurses. If you are struggling with your loss of self-respect, look for someone who can help you find Jesus in your pain. If people don’t understand, be persistent until you find a friend – or a Christian counselor – who can help. And in the meantime don’t overlook God’s biggest helper – the Holy Spirit.

Cry Out to Jesus
Get alone with God today. Be honest with Him. Tell Him about the pain you feel inside. Then ask Him a hard question: ask Him what He wants to do for a child who feels so broken.

Then stop to listen. Give it a few minutes.

God will bring to mind a scripture, a song, or an image. If you know Christ as your Savior, the Holy Spirit lives inside of you. He is waiting for you to ask. He heart longs to answer.