Hi. I am 13, I live with my parents and my grandmother. I don’t know what made me cut, but now I cut every day. 10-20 small clean cuts all over my body and several deep and long. I am an excellent hider, and can hide my emotions from time to time, but one day I just couldn’t stand anyone to control me. I hate studying and I cry because of it a lot. I am searching for info not because I want to stop, but to know for sure I can stop.

Knowing how to self-heal myself is even better. I have always been a deep thinker. I wanted to get to know my self better, and actually now I have two lives. One in school, by my parents and family. And the other when I am alone. I usually don’t know what makes me cry, but after a minute crying isn’t enough. Help me by telling me how I can stop (but i will not do it) and that I can stop. Help me pls. P.S.my family doesn’t know, my bestfriend knows and is forcing me to stop. ~ Patricia

Dear Patricia,

Cutting is one a way to express pain when you don’t know how to put it into words. It’s rewarded by brain chemicals that make you feel good — for a little while. Then it goes away and you are still left with the negative feelings and that can make you do it again–and again. That causes a pretty bad cycle. You do it. You feel good. Then you feel bad. Then you feel stuck.

You say you don’t want to stop. That’s something that only you can decide, but your best friend is right. It is harmful to you, leaving scars, sucking you deeper into a cycle that doesn’t offer real help.

Can you stop? Many have, but not until they dealt with the reasons they cut. I’m writing an article right now and I interviewed a girl who started cutting at 13. She’s been free of cutting for a few years now. She’s 19. She says that it was important to know how to stop cutting and then how to deal with the underlying stuff. She needed help with that.

What this girl and others I’ve talked to didn’t know is that Jesus loved them–right where they were. That they were valuable to God, and that He was a place where they could turn to talk.

There’s a cool scripture in Matthew 6:8 that says, “He knows what you need before you even ask.” That’s comforting to me, Patricia. It takes the pressure off. I can talk to him and know that He knows what I need. He knows what you need, too. He loves you.

Knowing that is an important step, but there’s more. Will you consider talking to someone you trust, like a parent or a youth pastor or a caring adult? Maybe you are afraid they won’ t understand. This is a great link to show them to help them learn what self-injury is and what it is not.

It’s also very helpful to talk to a professional Christian counselor, because they won’t “freak out” at the self-injury but show you how to replace unhealthy emotional behavior with some that are very healthy. They’ll help you talk about the issues (like how studying is so hard it is making you sad or how hard it is to live two lives).

Maybe today is the day to choose to talk to someone. To discover that you can get better and there are other ways that you can find peace or joy. Maybe today is the day to ask your parent or pastor if they can help you find some extra help, like counseling.

One of my favorite sites is Mercy Ministries. It is a counseling center for teens that believes in mercy, hope, and healing. I hope you will leave this site and go there to read about girls, just like you, who once self-injured or had other challening life issues, but found help as they embraced the unconditional love of Jesus Christ.