Dear Suzie, I didn’t grow up in the church, but when my parents got divorced when I was 7, my dad remarried to an extremely christian woman. After that, we went to church almost every sunday. I never really liked it until about a year ago, after I had gone to bootcamp. Now that I’m in the marine corps and on my own, I’m finding that I want to go to church on my own accord. But, I’ve been having very conflicting thoughts recently that I SO wish you can help me with. I found your website, and you’re the first person I’ve shared this with. Ok… Here it goes…

I know God loves me. I know he forgives sin. But, I’m having a very hard time convincing myself he would forgive me. I lost my virginity when I was just 15. Then, when I was about 16, I came to know Christ. But, after that, I continued to have pre-marital sex. For some reason, I have a problem saying ”no”. All I think about everyday is God and how much I want to repent and change my ways. I’ve ”repented” before, but a few weeks later, find myself in sexual sins again. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to have sex. Even while I’m having sex, all I think about is how much I don’t want to be doing it. Then afterwards, I feel so ashamed I don’t even want to pray cause I can’t face God. I want to straighted my life out so badly. Now that I’m a Marine, all I want from my male counterparts is respect.

I’ve read in the Bible where it says all sexual immoral women will go to Hell. Is this true? Am I a lost cause? I’ve been wanting to talk to my old pastor about this, but haven’t had the chance since being away from home so much. So I’m coming to you. Please help me. Tell me what to do. Will God forgive me? Can I repent? Can I still go to heaven? Please, this means so much to me. Thank you very much for taking the time out to read this. And thank you for giving me your word. I will take it to heart. Everything you say. A.

Hi A.,

Paul, a man in the Bible that loved God very much, described a battle he waged all the time.

“I know that all God’s commands are spiritual, but I’m not. Isn’t this also your experience?” Yes. I’m full of myself—after all, I’ve spent a long time in sin’s prison. What I don’t understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can’t be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God’s command is necessary.

17-20 But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can’t keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don’t have what it takes. I can will it, but I can’t do it. I decide to do good, but I don’t really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don’t result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time. (Romans 7:15-20 The Message)

Sound familiar? Paul wanted to honor God because he loved God. He is one of the most respected people in Scripture, and he was honest enough to say, “I can’t do this on my own.” Maybe his sin wasn’t sexual sin. Maybe it was pride or a temper. But he didn’t want sin in the mix of his life.

You are a new Christian and you are right, God loves you deeply and he does forgive.

I want to share some truths with you that can help and maybe even answer some of your questions and allow God to help you overcome this sin that you hate so much:

TRUTH #1: God doesn’t change his nature according to feelings

You say that you don’t feel that God can forgive you. Listen to this:

But for you who welcome him, in whom he dwells–even though you still experience all the limitations of sin–you yourself experience life on God’s terms. Romans 8:10 (The Message)

Can you repent? Yes. Will God forgive? Yes. Does God want more for you than falling into a guy’s arms who doesn’t treasure or love you? Yes. So, what do you do? That leads to:

TRUTH #2: You can trust God in times of trouble

There are two kinds of trouble that you will encounter: Trouble from Your Choices and trouble from other’s choices. Are you willing to learn from these mistakes? Ask God to give you wisdom to throw a red flag on these mine fields so that you recognize them the next time.

One red flag is the Holy Spirit. It’s that feeling inside of you that says, “I’m not made for this.” Listen to that red flag. Before you ever get to the point of being in a sexual fling with someone and hating it, walk away whenever there’s even a hint that this is all that someone wants from you. You are worth more.

It’s saying, “This will never meet my desire for real love. God is that love. I won’t accept less than that”, because:

TRUTH #3: GOD SEES YOU DIFFERENT THAN YOU SEE YOURSELF

Discouragement is one of the most powerful and destructive minefields. Satan may remind you of your failures. He may tempt you to compare yourself to others. He may convince you that God has given up on you. But you are His.

But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name: who were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God. (New King James, John 1:12-13)

And because you are a child of God, that means:

TRUTH #4: YOU AREN’T ALONE IN THE BATTLE

Romans 8:26 (NIV) The Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for or how, but the Spirit makes intercession for us. . .

Romans 8:27 (NIV) He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is because he makes intercession for the Saints according to the will of God.

Not only is there help with your weaknesses, even when you don’t know what to say, but the Holy Spirit knows where to your deepest spiritual desires, and Jesus stands in your place and talks to God about it according to God’s will over your life. He shows you that:

TRUTH #5: IT’S NOT ABOUT THE OUTSIDE STUFF

Some people think that if we change all the outside stuff–put on a great front, perform on stage, create a long to-do list, that they’ll be more like Jesus. But you become more like Jesus when you yield your life to him.

That’s where I pray you’ll start today. It’s Truth #5, but it’s Step #1. It’s giving him YOU right where you are and trusting that it’s the beginning of a life-long relationship as you mature, grow, and are transformed by Him.

Thank you so much for your honesty. If you have more questions, stay in touch. Okay? In the meanwhile, will you read an amazing chapter of the Bible that talks about what God can do in your life? Romans 8.

Suzie