May 23, 2008
From Suzie: I receive a lot of questions about waiting to have sex. I received an e-mail from a girl named Caitlin who is 14 this week asking a similar question. I’m in South Bend, Indiana today interviewing on a cool TV show called Harvest, so I’m sharing this post from last year to answer Caitlin’s questions.
~Real Question~
I know sex is wrong, but I can’t stand it everytime when my friends tell me how good and fun when they have sex with their bf and say it is very common that people have sex b4 marriage. They tell me that sex is not wrong when you do it with your loved one even b4 you are married. Is it true? J.T.
~Real Advice~
Hi J.T.,
Sex is not wrong. Does that surprise you?
It’s a gift from God designed for one man and one woman for a lifetime. It’s meant to be a deep spiritual, physical, and emotional connection.
But the gift of sex is abused. It’s not meant to be casual, physical-only, or a hit-and-run experience.
First Corinthians 6:16 (The Message) reminds us that sex is intended to be a much greater gift that what culture says it is:
There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, ‘The two become one’.
Sex is not casual. As someone who loves ministering to teens, my heart breaks when sex is casual.
The reality is that in time many of your friends will come back and tell you that things didn’t work out, that the “good and fun” feeling wasn’t enough. Unfortunately, some will have babies way before they are ready to be a committed, loving, mature parent to a child.
Others will contract STI’s.
Some will feel empty when they see the guy or girl who was so into them a few weeks ago walking down the hallway with another person.
That’s not God’s plan. Sex combined with love for a life time (marriage) is intended to be fulfilling and meaningful.
The Bible tells us that there is value in waiting:
Romans 8:24-25 (The Message) That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.
In this verse, Paul isn’t talking about sex, but the value of waiting for good things. If you wait on God to direct you, you find your way. If you wait on God instead of giving in to pressure to be like everyone else, you learn who you are as an individual. If you wait and make decisions based on long-term dreams and hopes, rather than short-term “OMG, he’s so into me” type of feeling, then you accept the best for your life.
J.T., It’s awesome that you know it’s not the right thing to do. I hope that this lets you know that waiting is the right thing to do because there’s better for you. Make decisions that will bring you joy and security—for you are God’s girl and he loves you deeply. Choose what will last, rather than what you feel at the moment.
Suzie
Trophy of Grace says:
That was an awesome reply. I pray that J.T. will be have the courage to continue to do the right thing and not be afraid to be different.
Other Christians are experiencing the same problems. But we can rejoice because we know that NO temptation is irresistible. We can trust God to keep the temptation from becoming so strong that we can’t stand up against it. He has promised this and will do what he says. He will show us how to escape temptation’s power so that we can bear up patiently against it. (1 Corinthians 10:3)
I just read an article on Ignite Your Faith Mag. called 10 Ways to Practice Purity. I found it so helpful that I have on our site as the ‘Featured Article of The Week’.
I hope I am not violating any posting guidelines by providing this link. http://www.christianitytoday.com/cl/2001/001/9.39.html