February 15, 2008
My daughter has been cutting off and on when she gets stressed since she was 11 and she is now 13. I have got her counseling and the counselor said she is fine. I have tried to talk to her and she says I don’t know how to say what I feel. She will hide it and deny it when you see a cut. When things are really bad though you will see 6-8 cuts in a row on the under side of her arm by her arm pit.We just got a call from the counselor at school to say that she is cutting again. She needs help but she isn’t asking for help. Do you have any good articles that my husband and I can read?
Also how do I help my daughter? I am doing everything I know to do. I love her vey much and my daughter is a Christian and loves church. She loves volunteering for charity causes and sharing God with her friends, she is into sports and is healthy. She does deal with a bully and a guy who once liked her, but got mad when she didn’t like him back and now picks on her. She doesn’t say she has been cutting but just that he is giving her grief and she doesn’t know what to do. I try to help her stand up for herself and I just don’t know what else to do.
I am surprised and confused why she would do this when she loves God so much.
Thank you for your help, a mom
Hi Mom,
I want to give you links to several resources that will share helpful information for you, your husband, and your daughter. These are in-depth and will share how a God-loving teen can find herself trapped in self-injury, but more so how to help her climb out and find healing and wholeness.
Here are the links:
- Jan Kern’s book on self-injury: http://www.amazon.com/Scars-That-Wound-Heal-Journey/dp/0784721041/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203006170&sr=8-1
- Nancy Alcorn’s book on self-injury (Mercy House founder, a place for girls who self-injure, etc.): http://www.amazon.com/Cut-Mercy-Self-Nancy-Alcorn/dp/1579218970/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203006214&sr=1-1
- The Lysema project on self-injury: a former self-injurer offers help for those who love someone who is cutting: http://www.self-injury.org/
- The Razor’s Edge by T. Suzanne Eller, an article I wrote about this topic: http://www.christianitytoday.com/cpt/2004/004/9.34.html
Hope this is helpful to all of you.
Also, if you think it might be helpful for your daughter, there is a ton of information on this site about self-injury from a teen’s POV. Click on archives above and then on self-injury.
Lydia Rule says:
Hi,
Just thought I’d let you know that I’m praying for you and your daughter…
I did have a thought I’d like to share. If your daughter is cutting b/c of the pressures at her school, then perhaps she needs a break away from those pressures until she can heal emotionally & physically.
I know that the Public School offers a computer program for students who would like to study at home. She would also have access to a teacher who would monitor her progress. She could still participate in sports and other activities at the school, but at the same time, she would be away from the school’s pressures. I think that the program is called “K12″, but I’m not really sure… You could probably ask your daughter’s school counselor for information about the program.
Hope this helps!
-Lydia
T. Suzanne Eller says:
Thanks Lydia, for such a thoughtful response to this mom.
Ali says:
My daughter also cuts when she is stressed but I don’t know what to do about it. She is 14, refuses to go to a doctor or a counselor. She outweights me by 100 pounds so I can’t make her go. I know she needs help but don’t knwo where to go. Can anyone help me??
T. Suzanne Eller says:
Dear Ali,
Your daughter is asking for help. She is only 14. If she won’t go to the counselor, then I hope that you will go to a licensed Christian counselor that will give you the tools you need to parent more effectively, to know how to deal with the issue, and also tools to work on the relationship with your daughter until she is willing to heal. One great resource is a book by Nancy Alcorn and another by Jan Kern (go to amazon.com and add these names one at a time to the keyword search or ask your local bookstore to look them up and order them) on self-injury. Last, I would suggest that you contact either a counselor or organization such as Mercy House, http://mercyministries.org, that ministers to teens who are hurting themselves. I hope these are helpful.
Rebekah says:
Hello.
I’m Rebekah. I’m 16 years old and i am real cutter. I have been doing it since i was 14 years old and i have no intentions to stop what i do.
But anywayz. It does help if you go to a doctor or a consuler. It helped me but i am still not stopping. But when i get stressed or something when wrong you will usually see 6-9 straight cuts on my arm. And most girls will do it other places besides their arms.
you can contact me at.
tw_loves_jn@yahoo.com
T. Suzanne Eller says:
Hi Rebekah,
It’s interesting to me that you describe yourself as a “real cutter”. Cutting is what you do, now what you are. It sounds like treatment has started, but healing is still ahead for you. It’s awesome that you want to help this mom with information. I pray that you’ll continue with treatment, but I also pray that you’ll see yourself as God does, not as a self-injurer, but someone who is His child, valuable to Him. He loves you. He is a healer. He brings peace and wholeness to those who are His. That’s what I pray for you today. Stay in touch, okay?