August 16, 2007
I wanted to ask your advice. I haven’t cut in two years, and yet my arms are still so so scarred. The entire surface is uneven. I’ve not worn short sleeves since I started cutting. I am SO ashamed. I need help knowing how to be able to look at my own arms, and how to wear short sleeves again. I need help. I don’t know what to do. God bless you. — Tamara
RTF: Hi Tamara. As I read your question, I thought about the healing work that has happened in your heart and life. The invisible scars have healed. How awesome!
And yet your visible scars are a reminder of the past.
Some laser surgeries are able to help smooth old scars. It doesn’t get rid of them entirely, but can help a lot. That may be something you want to talk to your parents about. That may take time as you and your doctor, and your parents work together to heal the skin on your arms.
But in the meantime I want you to know that your scars are not offensive to those who love you best, and especially to God. Those scars have the power to tell your story.
Recently I met a guy who had sleeve tattoos that ran from his wrists to his shoulders. I had met Henry the day before. He is a seminary professor (teaches the Bible) and also involved with a very cool group called Youth Encounter.
He rolled up his sleeves and began to show his tattoos to me and several teens while we waited for lunch. He started with the tattoo on his wrist and worked up, telling the story of Jesus, of his mercy, of God working in his life.
It was awesome! I had never thought about our physical body as a story.
And yet Jesus also had physical scars that told a powerful tale.
After he rose from the dead, he invited Thomas, a doubter, to feel his scars (John 20:27). He wanted him to know the real story of what had been accomplished on the cross.
Tamara, I know that your scars aren’t anything that you are proud of, but if someone sees them and they don’t get it, tell them the story of where you were, and where God has brought you. I’m so proud of what has happened in your life, and the healing that God that is taking place inside of you. You are awesome!
When you see your scars, remember that Jesus sees them too, and he touches them with his love and mercy and his joy in the new life you have found.
PS: Right now I’m reading a really great book by a lady named Nancy Alcorn. The book is called CUT, Mercy for Self Harm. Nancy is the founder of an amazing residential program called Mercy Ministries. I hope anyone who is struggling with self-injury will check out the book and Mercy Ministries.
Nancy defines self-harm, explains the process of breaking free, and staying free. The book is filled with stories from girls who once self-injured, and how they found freedom from cutting. It’s an honest book, and Nancy understands because this is her life work. It also has a chapter for parents and others who care. So if you struggle with self-injury, or you are a parent, friend, or pastor who loves a teen who is cutting, please check out this book.
Debbie says:
Yeah, Tamara, look at the scars not as the mistakes of the past, but as the hope you’ve found for today.
Those scars are a part of your past. Not part of your future.
Don’t define yourself by those scars. You are not a cutter. You are God’s child who use to cut herself but doesn’t have to now. Embrace that!
Debbie
diamond_1190@yahoo.com
Lydia says:
Tamara,
You’ve come through some really hard times, and I just want to say that you can really help other people who are also hurting! You sound like an amazing girl, keep focus on God and He’ll do great things through you!
-Lydia Rule
Jeanette says:
Hi Tamara,
Thanks so much for your courage and honesty. Your story touched me deeply. I used to cut and still struggle with self-consciousness. Every one of my physical scars healed (thank God) but I still have a habit of covering my wrist with my hand as if I have something to hide. If I’m struggling with something that would have caused me to fall back into cutting myself in the past I become very aware of my arms. Weird, huh?
So maybe this will help you to see that you aren’t alone. The scars of our past have two parts I think–the part that people can see or know about and the scars on our minds and hearts that only God completely understands. I do understand your feelings of embarrassment. I just pray that you won’t feel ashamed. There was a time when you probably thought you would never stop cutting. You did stop, with God’s help. Let those scars remind you of His love for you. He loved you enough to free you from that self-destructive prison and has an incredible purpose for you.
You have so much to offer others who are hurting, feel alone, and think they are hopeless. I pray that God will use your scars for His glory, whether He allows them to be removed or not.
May your beauty in Him shine today!
In His Love,
Jeanette