June 27, 2007
I love my boyfriend, but he hits me and says cruel things when he is angry. Last night we were walking in a dark parking lot and he pushed me and called me a (derogatory term) just because I didn’t agree with something he said. He has his good moments and that’s when I realize how much I love him. I’m torn. Carey W., Age 16
RT Response:
I wish I had a video camera where I could flash forward your life to 5 or 10 years from now. It might show a bruised and broken woman who has lost her dignity and her will. She is bruised physically, but the bruises on her heart are so much deeper. She is alienated from friends and family because her husband wants her all to himself. She is afraid to voice her opinion because the price is simply too high. Her children walk on eggshells around daddy and they cry at night when they hear the sounds of their father beating their mother.
Thousands of women who live in abusive relationships would stand up and share their story just like the one above. If your boyfriend is hitting you, pushing you, verbally abusing you and you’re only dating, what happens when the relationship becomes more serious?
You are already doubting yourself and your ability to know how you should be treated or you wouldn’t be torn. Christ shared a model of how we are to treat the people we love. He said that a man should love a woman just like Christ loved the church. That’s extraordinary love that is unselfish and nurturing and sacrificial. If he truly loved you, he’d treat you as if you were something valuable instead of pushing you across the parking lot and calling you cruel names.
Please tell someone. Tell your mom or your youth pastor or a counselor at school. I pray that you have the strength to leave him now (only after you tell someone). Change the course of your life while you can so that if you played a video of your life 5 or 10 years from now, that you’d be happy with what you see.
There is also a number of an organization that can give you advice. It shares information about teen dating violence. Their number is 1-866-safeyouth (1-866-723-3968).
Jade/Debbie says:
Carey, God sent His Son to die for you. If God loved you THAT MUCH, do you really think He wants you to stay in an abusive relationship? Can you honestly say that’s God’s will for your life?
No. That is not God’s will for you.
God never intended for a girl to be a doormat. Indeed, God uses words like “helpmate” to refer to females.
God LOVES you. He’s got someone special out there for you. Someone who will love, honor, and cherish you.
But abusive boyfriend is NOT it. Seek help. And whatever happens, remember this:
You are not the problem.
You are not at fault.
You have done nothing to warrant his abuse.
You are beautiful, smart, and loved by the Creator of the Universe.
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
Romans 8:35 (KJV)
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:38-39 (KJV)
God loves you. Don’t let a poor self-image keep you in an abusive relationship!
your friend,
Jade/Debbie
diamond_1190@yahoo.com
Lydia Rule says:
Hi Carey!
First off, let me say that love means thinking of the other person’s needs above your own.
You probably do love your boyfriend, but does he really love you? Does he put your needs above his own?
Real love doesn’t push, shove, or call names. Real love gives without expecting return, and wipes away tears.
As a preacher’s daughter, I have seen a lot of girls stuck in abusive dating relationships. I beg you, please don’t put yourself through that. You are worth more than that. If you have given Jesus your heart, you are a Daughter of the King. And no daughter of a King should allow herself to be trampled.
I’ll be perfectly honest– some guys are really cute. But God’s word says that He doesn’t see the outward appearance, He looks on the heart (1 Samuel 16:7). And that’s what us girls should do as well. Look at the guy’s heart– what will you find there? Is it respect for you? Love for God? Or will you find anger, abuse, and selfishness?
Just some things to think about,
I’ll be praying for you!
-Lydia Rule
Lydia Rule says:
Oh, let me add something…
You say that he “has his good moments and that’s when I realize I love him.”
You should find someone who is a Christian and who loves God. Find someone with a steady disposition. Believe me, if the guy has good and bad moments, he’s more than likely very flighty and fickle. You don’t want to date a Jekyll and Mr. Hyde!
Pray about this relationship– is it brining you closer to God or is it tearing you down emotionally?
Also, talk to your youth pastor or preacher or a close Christian friend.
Lydia