June 14, 2007
~Real Question~
Recently I started talking to a guy who’s in my church choir. We’ve been talking for some time and I told him that I had feelings for him. He said he had feelings for me too and also he said that he has never been in a relationship before. He wants a relationship where he can be with someone wholeheartedly, but until it is the right time we don’t communicate as much.
I agree with him and respect him for that. But then I got in touch with a guy I knew from way back. We went out for his birthday recently and I had a great time with him. I stopped liking him before because he was a player. He used to say that he does the “on the side” thing. I don’t know if he has changed from then and I like him what should I do?
Catherine
~RTF Response~
Do you want short-term feelings with a guy who might be a player or do you want to wait for a guy who said that he wants a whole-hearted relationship?
We have to learn from the past. I see girls get burned all the time because they know what is good or right for them, but go with feelings. The hard part is that feelings are short-lived and often replaced with emotions that are pretty harsh, especially when they realize what they’ve accepted as a result of not listening to what their heart was saying in the first place.
Be smart, sis. Choose wisely and carefully and don’t accept anyone who believes in the “on the side thing”. That shows a lack of respect for yourself and who you are and what every girl deserves.
You’re God’s girl. He’s got someone for you who will love you — and you only. Are you willing to wait for that?
Jade says:
Excellent advice!
About the whole “on the side” thing, look in 1 Kings 11:1-8, where did that get Solomon?
Pay special attention to verses 3-4:
“And he (Solomon) had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart. For it came to pass, when Solomon was old, that his wives turned away his heart after other gods: and his heart was not perfect with the LORD his God, as was the heart of David his father.”
1 Kings 11:3-4 (KJV)
Just a thought!
your friend,
Jade
Lydia says:
Catherine,
As a Preacher’s daughter, I can say that I’ve seen a lot of girls get hurt by dating the wrong guy. The fact is, the “right” guy will show character in his life– some of those characteristics will be respect for you and for himself, a sense of honor, and a love for God.
Any guy who wants you to date him on the side isn’t worth even thinking about. If a guy really cares about you, he’ll respect and wait for you.
Don’t fall for a cute face or a handsome smile. Look inside the person’s heart. Ask yourself several questions… Is this someone you can trust? If he dates you “on the side”, then he might date other girls “on the side” as well. There’s no committment in a relationship like that. Is he someone you’d want to marry? Would he be faithful to you? Is he a Christian who puts God first in his actions? Does he treat you as a lady or just someone to have fun with?
Prayer is also powerful… Don’t forget to talk to your Heavenly Father for dating advice. Ask Him to show you what to do. Ask your parents or someone you know (maybe a pastor, youth leader, Christian friend).
Some good advice on dating that someone once told me is to see how a guy treats his mom. If he treats his mom with disrespect, then, chances are, he won’t treat you any different when you’re married to him.
Hope that helps!
-Lydia Rule
Yvonne says:
I agree, prayer is awesome.
Talk to God about your prob. 
T. Suzanne Eller says:
I love your advice, Jade and Lydia, and Yvonne you are right, prayer is awesome. You are so smart, and I love that you are encouraging Catherine.