December 10, 2006
~Real Question~
Lately, I`ve been feeling lonely, most of my friends have boyfriends. It seems they can have any guy by the drop of a hat. There is this guy I really like. But I`m not the best girl that can talk to guys I like. The worst thing is all my friends come to me for advice about guys. BUT I don`t know anything about guys and relationships, I`ve never had a boyfriend before. I`m kind of scared….What should I do?
~Real Advice~
When a relationship is mature, taken slowly, honors God before anything and in everything, it’s not frightening. The problem is that many girls in our culture are not waiting, are not taking things slow, and sadly these relationships aren’t God-honoring.
Second, it’s not so much a compliment that your friends can have guys “at the drop of a hat”. It may mean that they are beautiful, or that they’re fun to be with and that’s great. But I see many teens who have guys at a drop of a hat because she’s very available. She’s the girl who can’t function without a “we” hooked over her name.
The relationships don’t go very far. They are exciting at first, like a conquest, and then they turn bad, and then they are on to the next.
The other day I spoke at a local high school. One girl said, “I know that I have a good day when a guy talks to me.”
Wow.
In one scripture, it shares that our thinking can be transformed. Another scripture says that when we trust in God, that our thoughts are changed as we become more like him.
I’m hoping that girls will transform their thinking, choosing to be strong women, choosing relationships very carefully–and then putting boundaries around those relationships that say “I’m worth the wait; I’m a woman of faith; I’m valuable to God”.
If you are lonely, then rather than looking to a guy, look for ways to get involved with others. Can you volunteer? Can you serve others? Can you develop a great friendship?
What??? Suzie, I think you didn’t listen to my question.
No, I did listen to your question. Do you know what happens? When you do this, you are working on you while you wait. And then when it is the right time, the right guy will come along, and what you will have won’t be a one-week relationship, but a strong relationship that is nurturing, and that is worth the wait.
I don’t know how old you are, and I don’t know if this guy is a good guy. But ask yourself:
- is this the right time?
- does he love God and live a life of faith?
- am I doing this for the right reasons, or do I just want a “we” hooked over my name?
- am I trying to prove that I can have a guy?
- have I prayed about this?
There’s nothing wrong with having a God-based relationship. In fact, it can be awesome. But don’t settle for less.
Jenn says:
Amen again! The ‘waiting’ period can sometimes be pretty painful… but, like one of my friends was saying to me recently, “What’s the big hurry? You’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person… why not enjoy these few years of freedom between highschool and marriage?”