September 4, 2006
Hi. Please help me. I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend wants to marry me. He has always been very respectful and has never crossed the line with me. He knows I wont have any sex before marriage, because I want to keep myself pure and experience it the way is intended.
Recently the subject of having sex before marriage came up, something he previously did before we knew each other. I feel terribly bad. I find the pain of such information unbearable. I know if I want to continue with him, I have to forgive him, but I feel like I am going to miss out on something very special. What can I do? From RTF:
The qu
estions that you need to ask is: 1. Why did he stop? Was it because he wanted to change for himself? Was it because he is trying to live with integrity in his relationships with people and with God? Or did he only stop so that he could date you?
2. Is this something that is far in the past? Is it part of his history, a person he once was and no longer wants to be? If so, are you willing to see him as the person he has become?
3. Is he pure in the way that he treats you? Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually? Does he want the best for you? Only you can answer these questions.
If his sexual history is a long-ago memory and his life has changed — and he lives with sexual integrity — then take things slow. Develop your friendship. Find out what God has for each of you, and eventually for both of you. If his sexual history is only on pause, then you should pause and rethink what you are willing to accept as a possible mate for life.
Don’t let anyone toy with you because love goes so much deeper than the feelings of the moment. Look at the core of the person you are dating and wait for a man who is honorable — an old-fashioned word, but one that needs to be used a lot more in teen relationships.
Suzie RTF
