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July 24, 2006

Real Advice: Like a guy who has a baby

~Real Question~

I need your advice and I don’t care if you tell the whole wide world. I’ve known this boy since the 5th grade and I liked him, and in the 9th grade my bestfriend told me he had a baby with someone else. I didn’t know what to really feel, I guess confused.

I’ve really tried to get over him because if I know if I like him anymore it would just hurt me more. Is that a good thing? I can try to be his friend.

Do you think I will ever get over him?

Do you think I should tell him how I feel for him either now or about the past?

~Real Answer~

Let’s take your questions one at a time. Okay?

“I don’t know what to feel.”

I can’t tell you how to feel, but I can tell you that feelings are the worst and least reliable way to figure out what to do. Feelings go up and down. Feelings change. Feelings don’t take into account your hopes and dreams and plans for life.

First, you are really young and I don’t mean that to disrespect you. Being young is cool, but it’s not the best time to make relationship plans (especially based on feelings).

If this guy had a baby at such a young age, his life is pretty tangled up and it involves the lives of others. Is this something you would want to take on? Probably not.

Being his friend isn’t a great idea because you’re still sorting through feelings, so maybe caring for him as a friend means that you’re not going to tangle up the mess any further.

I’ve really tried to get over him because if I know if I like him anymore it would just hurt me more. Is that a good thing?

Time will help you get over him. It’s awesome that you know that it’s not a great thing to be involved with him. I’m amazed at how many girls choose a guy that will only hurt them — whether it’s the way he treats her or the choices he makes — so it’s cool that you want more than that.

Do you think I will ever get over him?

Yes. 100% absolutely sure. : ) While you’re waiting for that to happen, make wise choices that take into consideration who you are, what you want in life, and whose you are (God’s). You deserve someone who will love God and you when the time is right. You deserve to be able to be a teen, rather than a grown-up with grown-up responsibilities and problems (like someone else’s baby). You also need to respect yourself enough that you will bring good things to a relationship when you are older.

Thanks for being so honest and open,

RT Faith

Do you think I should tell him how I feel for him either now or about the past?

Filed under: dating, real advice

Posted by T. Suzanne Eller @ 4:18 pm

2 Responses to “Real Advice: Like a guy who has a baby”


  1. Anonymous says:

    That’s a great story. Waiting for more. »

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The Author

T. Suzanne Eller, author, speaker, youth culture columnist

T. Suzanne Eller, author and International speaker, veteran youthworker, parenting and youth culture columnist.

Real Teen Faith creates resources (blogs, books, speaking, articles) to help teens strengthenĀ their relationship with God, as well as resources for youthworkers, parents, and those who love teens.

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