Real Teen Faith - real teens, real stories, real life » Blog Archive

April 19, 2006

~Real Question~

Can I have a boyfriend even if my mom won’t let me? Can I tell my mom? Can I kiss him? Should I kiss him? I love him, should I tell my mom? Should I tell my mom that I want to marry him?

~RT Response~

You should talk with your mom. You don’t say how old you are, but I sense that you are fairly young. There is so much ahead of you and so many experiences that you have yet to encounter.

Many girls that I meet want to have a guy by their side, almost as if to validate who they are.

If your mom says no, then it’s because she’s older and has experienced life and may see things that you don’t right now. Let your mom know that you want a boyfriend, but have an honest discussion about why and when it might be the right time.

Love is a very powerful word that is watered down in our culture. We love lots of things, but love in its truest sense is an action word.

It’s the act of self-control, because you want the best for both of you.

It’s the act of patience, because you don’t live simply by feelings. You are willing to wait.

It’s the act of selflessness. You don’t demand your way.

It’s the act of kindness. You care enough about the other person to treat them with compassion.

It’s so much more than “I feel like I’m in love, so no matter what the cost I’ll pay it, no matter who I hurt in the process.”

Love requires maturity. It’s accepting nothing less than God’s best for your life. It’s being someone that is worth waiting for. It’s bringing qualities to the table that will one day make a stable home and a love that will last beyond a flash of feelings.

Are you ready? From your note, I don’t think so. : ) But that’s not a bad place to be. It means that you have so much to anticipate as you allow God to work in your life and take you where he wants to take you.

Blessings,

Suz

~Real Question~

I have a question for you. How do I get my mom to allow me to date an older guy? I have recently been dating a guy 4 years older than me for the past 14 days. My mom knows of him, but doesn’t allow me to hang out with him even though I do every day and night.

I’ll be 17 in two months and he will be 22 in eight months. My mom thinks he’s out to get me for sex, but I don’t think so at all. I asked him why he doesn’t want to be with an older girl his age and he said because you have everything an older girl has so whats the difference?

He likes the fact that I work and have a job and pay bills. Im actually doing something with my life. I’ve tried to tell my mom that, but she just doesn’t listen. His age is stuck in her mind. How can I get my mom to allow me to date him?

~RTF Response~

Honestly, I think your mom must really care for you.

But I’m not so sure that you are giving her what she deserves. You say that she has said no, but you are with him every night and day. You are 16 and he’s 21.

It’s awesome that you are doing things with your life, but not so cool that you lie to your mom.
You need to honor her wisdom, and the fact that she is looking out for you.

He’s saying that you have all that he wants — you work, you pay bills, you have a job. Sometimes girls think that it’s flattering to have an older guy who likes you, but what does he bring to the relationship?

Is he willing to deceive your mom? Then what about integrity? That’s a huge thing to want and need in a person and relationship.

Has he graduated from college or pursuing education? If so, why not? Is he financially able to take care of you at some point in the future? If not, why would you want that?

Is he a man of God, honorable? Does he want the best for you? Is he unselfish? Does he watch out for you and NEVER ask anything that could harm you in the present or future?

If you can’t answer 100% positive on those questions, then my question is why not? What do you want for your future? Not just now — not just feelings, but in your mate for life?

Instead of asking how you could get your mom to allow you to date an older guy, the real question is “how can I listen to my parent and hear what she’s really trying to say and honor that?” and “how can I honor and respect myself?”.

I hope that today you will take the focus off of your mom and put it on your choices. Sis, choose what is best for your life. Every choice is a critical choice when you have hopes and dreams.

Suz